I've been in a virtual drought for months now...I hoped to return to blogging but I have not been inspired. I've had so many wonderful new experiences but I haven't had the words to write. I am searching for something inside me and looking to find my place and what I want to do in this world yet nothing seems to come to me. Fortunately I'm happy right now and I think that's most important because I haven't always had true HAPPINESS in my life. Truly, that is what is most important...being happy in my own skin. I celebrated my 37th birthday recently. It is the first one where I actually feel OLDER and in fact middle aged; but that really isn't a bad thing since I was told I probably wouldn't live to be 30. I have so many things to be thankful for and God has blessed me in every aspect of my life- the rest is truly icing on the cake; right? So why do I feel so "Unfabulous" right now? I am searching; yes I am searching. Psalms 37:4 keeps coming to my head "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart..." So I have to ask is that what I'm doing? Am I delighting in the Lord or am I delighting in all that is Natalie? When I hear myself asking God "How can I delight myself in you?" I hear him sigh..."I'm glad you asked". As usual Beth Moore has given me some inspiration. She refers to this as the ultimate feel good scripture. Isn't that what we're looking for? A quick fix; something to make us feel better. I know I am; indeed that is human nature. So in reading her words and thinking about this I realize that the ultimate reward and goal are in fact the desires of HIS heart; what God wants for me "Delight yourself in the Lord" not "Delight myself in what Natalie wants and what Natalie wants to do." So my question for now and the desire of my heart is to truly find what God wants from me. I ask for your prayers as I search to find the answer. If writing (whether it be blogging or other) is indeed part of my purpose; pray that I will find the words. Thanks!
Words from Beth Moore-
Psalm 37:4 is a transforming Scripture. In our treasure hunt, we discover a new depth of relationship with God, an indescribable delight, and a safety valve for our hearts. Treasures worth hunting-no matter what our original motives may have been.
Father, forgive me for sometimes seeking You with selfish motives. Let my heart's true motivation be the pleasure of Your presence. I want to delight in You and find that You are the one desire of my heart. Thank You for Your unfailing love. In the name of Jesus, Amen
2 comments:
Natalie - When I look at your life, I see so many reasons to celebrate. And I know God didn't deliver you from your "wilderness" for no reason. He's got some very specific plans for you, and they are "exceedingly and abundantly more" than you could ask or imagine. I can't wait to see where he takes you! love, Dana McCain
You are such an inspriration to many and I am at the top of the list. This may be a "be still and know that I am God" period. Maybe it is all the stress from the move catching up with you and your spirit needs some peace and quite.
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